Cofer rejoicing in positives despite dad's Alzheimer's

During more than 60 years of marriage, Debbie Cofer's father never danced with his wife. Now he loves to dance with her when she visits him at the McMahon Tomlinson Nursing Center Memory Unit.

"You have to rejoice in the positives," said Cofer, who is the Administrative Director of Quality at Comanche County Memorial Hospital as well as a registered nurse. When questioned about his history upon entering the facility, the family stated that he didn't dance.

"Now he is dancing all over the place and it is fabulous to see a dad you didn't see before," Cofer said.

Cofer's father, who was diagnosed with dementia and some signs of Alzheimer's Disease about eight years ago, has been a resident of the Memory Unit for the past two years. He moved to the facility when her mother could no longer safely care for him at home because he started to wander off. Cofer wanted to give both her father and mother privacy, so she didn't share her parent's names for this article.

Fortunately, Cofer and her family had the Alzheimer's Association resources, a caring doctor and had developed a plan eight years ago to help them with the journey.

Signs and symptoms

Friday morning, delicious smells of baking bread filled the Memory Unit as residents finished their breakfast of waffles and other breakfast foods - some residents getting help from the aides because some have forgotten how to swallow.

Some patients don't realize they are hungry and the aroma of baking bread helps remind them, said Tammy Crosswhite, director of Nursing at McMahon Tomlinson Nursing Center.

The unit houses patients with forms of dementia including Alzheimer's Disease, "which accounts for 60 to 80 percent of dementia cases," according to the Alzheimer's Association, www.alz.org.

Those residents at the facility could be in any stage of dementia or Alheimer's, but "a lot of people stay home until the wandering stage, when the family is afraid that they will walk out the door and never come back," Crosswhite said.

The early signs and symptoms associated with Alzheimer's and some other forms of dementia may be easy to hide, for a while, said Lizzy Orf, Community Outreach coordinator at the Alzheimer's Association, Lawton office, offering free resources to all of Western Oklahoma.

There are 10 signs and symptoms to look for including trouble finding the right words or replacing a word with a word that doesn't make sense, losing things and accusing people of stealing as well as changes in personality and moods. See accompanying list or visit www.alz.org for details.

"People try to hide it … and get by the best they can," Orf said, adding that her grandfather hid the fact that her grandmother had Alzheimer's for so long, that sadly it was too late for the family to really connect with her when they found out.

Sometimes people exhibit some signs and symptoms, but those around them write it off as normal aging.

"Alzheimer's is not a normal part of aging and it may be something else," Orf said. It is important to get a doctor to examine the person, because it may be an undetected infection. A urinary tract infection or even dehydration may be causing the signs and symptoms. "It is important to get a diagnosis."

Why it's important to catch the disease early

It is important to get the person showing the signs or symptoms to a doctor as soon as possible for many reasons. If an infection or dehydration is ruled out, then medication is available that could slow the progression and a plan of treatment and care can be made.

"My dad knew something was happening. He knew it. He lost his words," Cofer said, explaining that family members, along with the family physician developed "a treatment plan."

Part of the plan was drawing up power of attorney paperwork. A health care power of attorney is important since most people do not want a stranger making health care decisions for them. Making decisions on what will happen as the disease progressives at the time of diagnosis also gives the family some peace.

"I think it is important to have the conversations with the physician and put the plan in place. It won't happen today, but it will happen tomorrow. It is so much easier when you've decided all together about what you are going to do," Cofer said, adding that it is important to get support and information about dementia and Alzheimer's from the experts like the Alzheimer's Association. "As the daughter of someone with dementia, knowing that it could be in my future, it is a positive. Live each day. Enjoy the little things. You go with it, because this is life."

For the first six years after the diagnosis, her parents lived together, with primarily her mother and also other family members caring for him.

Giving up driving was difficult for Cofer's dad.

"That was a decision we had to make," she said. "But you have to do that as families."

About two years ago, Cofer's mom called.

"‘I need you to come. Dad can't stay home anymore,' We took him to the emergency department because they had to evaluate him. Did a CT to check him for infections," Cofer said, explaining that she told the doctors in the ER that discussions about the next step had already been discussed with the family doctor. "We would like him evaluated in the (geriatric psychiatric unit/Silver Linings at CCMH)

It wasn't easy, but having the plan helped.

"He threw his wallet and tried to throw his keys at me when we were trying to do the intake. So he was aware enough," she said, adding that she knew the family, especially her mom, who was the primary caregiver, had done all she could. He had started wandering and "it was for his safety. It was the right thing, the necessary thing to do."

Part of the plan: finding help and a facility

Part of the plan was researching and finding the right facility for Cofer's dad before it was needed.

"You have to find a facility that cares for your loved one," she said, adding that it gives the family "peace of mind because we are engaged with the staff. The staff knows us and we know the staff.... The facility is beautiful, but it is what is going on in the building that makes the difference."

Not only does the facility engage the residents' sense of smell to remind them to eat, but they also have incorporated the Music & Memory program, which has been shown to enhance the residents' quality of life when they listen to music they like.

"The music therapy is used throughout the day," Crosswhite said. When family comes to visit, "it is not just the listening, it is talking to them about the memories that the music pulls out."

Cofer's dad is using the music program to dance and she believes he really likes the people and staff at the facility because they know and pay attention to his likes and dislikes.

"My dad was a whiz at everything. One of my concerns is that he would mess with things here," Cofer said. The maintenance and facility people as well as the staff know that. So when something simple, like the blinds, are being repaired, they will come and get her father so that he can watch.

Even though her dad is in a facility, Cofer and her family still access the Alzheimer's Association's programs, which focuses on caregivers.

Alzheimer's Walk and local resources

The Alzheimer's Association offers free resources to anyone who needs them. Resources include a year-long scholarship for a bracelet for someone in the wandering stage. If they wander away, the police can use the information on the bracelet to identify them, Orf said. Other resources include care consultations, educational presentations and support for caregivers. For more information or to volunteer, email Orf at lorf@alz.org.

Cofer and her family will be taking part in The Alzheimer's the world's largest event to raise awareness and funds for Alzheimer's care, support and research," according to the Alzheimer's Association.

Registration for teams is currently underway at www.alz.org/oklahoma. Anyone can participate and there isn't any cost to sign up. It is a fundraising event and people can donate using the website. Funds donated to the local walk, will go back into the community to provide resources.

Volunteers from Lawton and surrounding communities to help with health fairs, office work and other tasks are needed by the association, Orf said. To volunteer visit, www.alz.org/oklahoma.