CORONAVIRUS (COVID-19) RESOURCE CENTER Read More
Add To Favorites

Westminster caregivers learn how to care about themselves

Bradenton Herald - 2/28/2017

Feb. 27--Westminster Manor resident Robert Collandra, 90, who has the beginnings of Alzheimer's disease, always wants his wife, Ellie, to be sitting next to him on the couch in their room, watching TV with him.

Until Ellie Collandra took a free six-week caregiver class in November at Westminster Manor she would feel guilty if she ever left the sofa for awhile to do her own thing.

But, she said, the class taught her that a major part of being a caregiver is caring for the caregiver.

"We learned not to feel guilty about taking care of ourselves," Ellie Collandra said. "If you don't take care of the caregiver then the patient suffers. You feel guilty for walking away when someone wants you there but you got to refresh yourself, too, or you don't do as good of a job."

The class that Collandra took that changed her perceptions, "Powerful Tools for Caregivers," drew a full class of 12 participants.

The class is being repeated March 7 through April 11 at Westminster Manor, 1700 21st Ave. W., Bradenton, and people can sign up now, said Marina Anderson, director of volunteers at Westminster Manor and co-leader of the class along with Paula Daugherty, the health resource nurse at the Manor.

Three caregiver graduates from the class -- Sandi Faulkner, Barbara Costa and Collandra -- joined Anderson at Westminster Manor Thursday to discuss how the class changed their thinking on being a caregiver.

"Powerful Tools for Caregivers" was developed over three years of pilot testing and has now been offered for more than 12 years, Anderson said.

One of the things Costa, who is caregiver for her husband, Ron, at the Manor, liked best about the class was the chance just to be in a room with fellow caregivers and have a sense of freedom to share her feelings.

"We all got a chance to express ourselves," Costa said. "Not everyone likes to talk about their problems but in this class it works."

Costa learned from the class that she has a bit of a sarcastic streak. She realized she would often say to her husband, Ron, "You said that yesterday" when he said he didn't feel good.

"I've learned to be more sensitive to him," Costa said.

Faulkner is caregiver for her mother, 87-year-old Manor resident Shirley Graham, who has dementia.

"Very frustrating," Faulkner said when describing what it is like to care for a dementia patient.

Shirley Graham will sometimes call her daughter five times in one day to ask her for the same thing.

"And I will take it to her, whatever it is, and she will still call me and ask, 'Where did I put it?' " Faulkner said.

Faulkner, her frustration rising, would usually reply, "Well, I don't know. I don't live there. But I'm sure it's there."

But since the class, Faulkner now realizes that arguments about what is there or not there with her mother aren't productive.

"You have to laugh," Faulkner said. "You have to have a sense of humor."

"Now, for my sake, I just nod my head and say, 'O",' " Faulkner said. "If she wants to do something silly or crazy, I just let her do it if it isn't hurting anything. I used to try to make her see it my way."

Since she took the class, Faulkner is also spending less time with her mother.

"I now go to movies, read and spend time with friends and I wasn't doing that before," Faulkner said.

Besides the course-work, each class ends with an action plan challenge and the next class revisits that action plan, Anderson said.

"The caregiver fills out a goal sheet or an action plan and it is something they want to do during that next week," Anderson said. "That's a big part of this, getting caregivers in the habit of setting goals to do something for themselves. So, we start every class asking, 'How did your action plan go?' And, if they had difficulty fulfilling their request, we brainstorm with them how can we overcome that next week."

Richard Dymond: 941-745-7072, @RichardDymond

___

(c)2017 The Bradenton Herald (Bradenton, Fla.)

Visit The Bradenton Herald (Bradenton, Fla.) at www.bradenton.com

Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.

Nationwide News